Grrrr....

I hate this. I hate writing reports.

I was writing my report halfway, well technically speaking it's just 4 lines, and I got stuck for 1 hour. I am squeezing precious brain juice yet have no idea how to continue with my report.

Therefore I diverted my attention to writing my blog instead. Its less brain juice sapping. Its easier to crap over here.

It satisfies my imagination of seeing so many lines written out as compared to my miserable 4 lines in my report. Haiz~

And guess what? I am also running out idea on what to blog.

Oh ya, suddenly remember something. Read from my friend's msn nick that during Mid Autumn Festival the full moon was blocked by the haze.

WHAT a pity. The moon looks so nice in Australia. No haze to block it. Tsk. Sianz loh. The streets so bright because of the moonlight. Want to use Harry's torchlight to shine the ground also no point. So bright here.

Want to smell some haze in Australia also cannot. Hope the windows in my room back in Singapore are closed. I dont want to smell anything nasty when I go back for my holidays.

Oh moon is bright today again.

No wait, I see some haze.


Oops sorry, there are just clouds. Sianz, no haze here :(

Grin~

Remember that time when I said I had a presentation?

I got back my results on how I fared that day. Grin~

Among the group of people (90% angmohs) that presented that day, I scored 2nd highest. Just 0.4 marks difference from the highest. Grin~

I shall self-proclaimed that day to be a day when 4 million Singaporeans shall rejoice, again. I did my country proud. Grin~

I knew my lame jokes are internationally recognised. Singlish RULES BIG TIME!

Now that's another skill to add to my resume. Grin~

And this morning, I received a parcel sent to me specially from Singapore. It was a cream for cracked heel. Courtesy of *cough cough someone. Happy... Grin~

Today is a grinning day. And to top it off my grinning day, I bought pizza for dinner today. Grin~

How I wish everyday is a grinning day.

Advertising For Jobs From Dec 06 to Feb 07

I would like to advertise for jobs.

I am hardworking, I am a fast learner, I am not a gay.

I dont require much pay, perhaps just enough to make me sustain my daily lifestyles. I shall enclose a resume of myself. Interested employers please leave a message.

I will take any jobs ranging from waiters to masseurs to gigolos to part-time boyfriend.

Personal Particulars

Name: Hong Ziqiang

Gender: Male

Race: Mixed Chinese (Malaysian Chinese + Singapore Chinese)

Email: zinesta@hotmail.com

Marital Status: Single

Date of Birth: 23/09/1983

Age: 23

Religion: Buddhism (Open Minded)

Nationality: Mixed (Malaysian + Singaporean)

Language Written: English, Singlish, Chinese

Language Spoken: Singlish, Ang Moh English, Mandarin, Hokkien, Cantonese

Date Of Availability: Dec 06 - Feb 07

Educational Background

University Of Queensland: Currently still praying I pass studying hard.

Singapore Polytechnic: Diploma in Mechanical Engineering and obtained 2 Distinctions of which both are not related to Mechanical Engineering at all.

Yishun Town Sec Sch: GCE "O" Level Stream.

Northland Primary Sch: Bluff my way through 6 years of study.

Achievements

Spelling Champion for Sec 2. Only 6 person participated. Of which 5 I bribe with my pocket money. The other one was retarded.

Past Working Experience

Waiter for most of my life.

Part time telemarketeer. What I do is just make nuisance calls and smile when they scold me Kan Ni Nah or Chao Chee Bye.

Specialist when I entered army. My turn to scold people Kan Ni Nah and Chao Chee Bye and they can only smile back at me.

Customer Service Executive at a certain place.

Computer Knowledge and Skills

Computer Knowledge:

Able to find the best porn sites in the minimum amount of time given.

Equipped with skills to draw a naked woman various artifacts using Adobe Photoshop.

Microsoft Excel, Words, Powerpoint, Blogspot.Com

Skills:

Able to scold people in a minimum amount of time to make them have the thought of jumping down 12th storey.

Able to smile when people scold me vulgarities that makes normal people have the thought of jumping down 12th storey.

Attentive and gossip a lot informative about things happening around.

The Art Of Sheep Counting

As much as I like to sleep, there are of course endless numbers of nights which I lie on the bed. And for what feels like an eternity, but I just cant get to sleep.

I believe 10 out of 10 people encounter difficult sleeps. And up till now, different people must have different ways of making themselves fall to sleep. Some believe staring into space will help, some believe reciting Na-Mo-Orh-Me-Tuo-Fuo over and over again will help.

I for one, uses the Art of Sheep Counting when I cant get to sleep.

Trust me, it's serious shit that counting sheeps isnt easy at all. It requires skills. But luckily, you know that I am a True Singaporean At Heart and therefore I am equipped with fucking-the-not-bad-sheep-counting-skills.

Counting sheeps is an art. People complain that it is not an efficient way to get yourself to sleep.

You can count halfway and then lost count of where you counted till. In the end you spend so much trouble thinking where you lost that sheep and you became more awake.

A normal sheep counting normally goes like this "...... 132.... 133..... 135....."

Hey where the fuck did the 134th sheep went off to?

I for one, take special interest in counting sheeps. It has become so fun that I, actually make it a habit of counting sheeps nowadays.

And I take pride on the fact that 2 days ago, I broke my personal record of counting till 655 sheeps.

I stopped counting the 656th sheep not because I fell asleep. But because it was just damn tiring counting them.

And I reckon my farm is too packed with 655 sheeps.

Nonetheless, I seek to break my record of 655 sheeps in days to come.

But actually I was hoping I wont break my record.

Or not it will appear quite obvious to people I really have no life in Australia :(

If Qiang Can Cook, So Can You!

When I 1st arrived here, I was not really technically equipped with fucking-the-not-bad-cooking-skills.

But I do therotically have some basic knowledge on what goes into the food thanks to my many years of fooling around and messing with my mother's cooking.

Being a fucking miser True Singaporean At Heart, I hardly eat out here in Australia as cooking myself is wayyyyy much cheaper. I can eat 3 meals at home compared to a single meal outside.

So after this few months, I am a bit confident to say that my culinary skills have improved a bit. I believe that if even a guy like me can know how to cook, so can you!

Now, I shall post a recipe from my family's recipe book called the "Qiang's Finest Cuisine Made By Idiots". This book shall be passed on for generations.

From me to my kid, to my kid's kid, to my kid's kid's kid, to my kid's kid's kid's kid, to my......


Now I shall post my 1st secret recipe, I name it: 强式肉碎杂酱面

Ingredients

- Salt (Aga aga yourself)

- Oyster sauce (Aga age yourself)

- Black Bean Sauce *Important. Star of the meal (Aga aga yourself)

- Onions (Australia has fucking huge onions. So I use 1 normally. But prepare for a farting session after meal)

- Black soy sauce (Aga aga yourself)

- Potatoe starch (Aga aga yourself)

- Noodles (Maggi Mee type is best)

- Sesame Oil

- Mince Meat (Non halal if you dont want to share with your muslim friends. Tsk)

- Chopped green & red capsicums (Aga aga yourself)

- Finely chopped garlic (Good for detoxing your body)

Step 1: Boil the noodles until you dont feel like eating Ma-Mee when chewing on them.

Step 2: Drain off water. After draining, immediately rinse with cold water. Dont ask why, just follow. Add lots of sesame oil into it and stir thoroughly. Throw the pot of noodle to one side for time being.

Step 3: Fry the garlic. Of course to do that you must 1st having a frying pan. Heat the pan and then put in some vegetable oil. Fry the garlic till it's light brown. Dont fry to the extent of dark brown. Dont be an idiot. If you cant differentiate colours, my advice will be never attempt to step into the kitchen.

Step 4: Throw in your mince meat. Stir fry till you feel its edible.

Step 5: Throw in your onions. And just in case you are an idiot, I never mention sliced onion doesnt mean you throw the whole fucking onion in it. Slice it first.

Step 6: Take out everything and put at one side first. (Normally I skip this step cause I am lazy.)

Step 7: Stir fried the capsicums till its slightly chao-ta and then throw in your mince meat, onions and garlic earlier on if you follow Step 6. Anyway for goodness sake, Step 6 doesnt make any difference. You should skip it.

Step 8: Pour in your black bean sauce, oyster sauce and salt. Pour in some water too. Not too much water. Aga aga yourself.

Step 9: Leave to boil. Once boil, put the potatoe starch in a bowl and add some water to it. Stir till everything dissolves. Next, slowly pour the mixture into your gravy. Stir CONSTANTLY! Cause if you dont, you will discover big lumps of shit in it later on. For your information, the starch is to thicken the sauce.

Step 10: Put the noodles you cooked earlier on your plate. Pour gravy on top of noodles and WA LA, your 强式肉碎杂酱面 is done.

Step 11: Check you have close the fire.

My Another First Time

Today is another day for 4 million people to rejoice. I got my 1st hair cut in Australia.

Stepped into the "Uni Salon" that is situated in my campus with a heavy heart. I was nervous. I took another look at my hair in the mirror cause who knows, 10 min later I may leave the saloon with a Valderrama hair.

Australians like to open a conversation with anybody "Hows it going?"
Basically what they meant was to ask how is your day.

Anyway I remember the 1st time I heard this was when I was taking a bus to a local shopping center and the bus driver greeted me with this Hows it going thingy.

I paused for a while then replied.... "Duh.. By bus?"

Ok anyway back to the saloon. As I was saying, I took a final look at my hair in the mirror before I was shown to a seat.

"Hows it going?"

I am not so stupid this time.

"Oh my day was great. And it is further delightened when I know I am going to get my hair cut by you."

Just in case you got mistaken, I wasnt trying to hook her up or something. Just some conversation skills I horned up here in Australia.

Back in Singapore, getting a haircut was easy. Say "slope and cut a bit hair here and there" and Singaporean barbers will understand.

But here, after she greeted me with Hows it going, she followed by a sentence of clippers or scissors?

What the fuck? I thought they come together. Luckily being a True Singaporean At Heart, I was equipped with fucking-the-not-bad-situation-analysis skills so I figured out her clippers must be refering to whether I want a slope and scissors means I jus want to have a normal side.

I chose scissors. No clippers I told her.

Oh by the way, I forgot to mention I specially wore my daily disposable contact lenses instead of glasses today for this hair cutting occasion.

Because at least if my hair was to end up like Valderrama, I wanted to at least witness the whole process of how it ended up like him.

Well in case you dont know, I have quite a high degree of myopia and I cant see no shit without my glasses.

Throughout the cutting of my hair, she will keep asking me questions like Oh so you want cut it this way or that way, so is this length ok, so you want cut the fringe and etc...

So at the end of the day, my hair was like something which I designed myself.



For those friends who dont know me well, just want to tell you that, me, Yours Sincerely, is fucking bad at designing things :(