Miracle Lines

I was supposed to be revising for my exams. But out of boredom, I drew a picture.

Actually I drew a similar one back when I was 16 years old which was like last year.

Ok I lied. It was 8 years ago.

Anyway the only difference is at 16, I drew using a pen. This time round at 24, I drew using Paint Program.




I have grown to become a Paint Specialist in my short 1 and a half years as a undergraduate.

Well, if you keep using Paint to play around with your experimental data, you too, will become a Specialist.

Rest in Peace, Lighter

As of this moment, I am writing with an extremely heavy heart.

Close friends know that I own this certain special lighter of mine and have been using it for 2 and a half years.

This is remarkable. Ask any smokers around and if they say they have been CONSTANTLY using their lighter for more 2 years, you can call me a gay.

Under the circumstance of constant usage, a normal 50 cents lighter bought from the coffeeshop would last you a good 2 or 3 months. A Zippo lighter is worse. It last you a week before you decide to chuck in underneath the closet.

Anyway you see, Lighter and me has always been constantly sticking together.

Be it going down to buy chicken rice, playing soccer, chasing girls, we have always been side by side. We shared so much memories. Whenever I need to smoke, it always gives me a helping hand by lighting up my cigerattes.

But now, Lighter is no longer the Lighter I once owned.

There is originally this catch that prevents the cap from opening.







But yesterday, I discovered that the catch has somehow snapped off without me realising.



So what happens now is the cap has a tendency to fling itself open without any warnings. It is not that I can't use it anymore, but something is just amiss.

I seriously do not want to risk putting it in my jeans. Without any warning, the cap may, possibly, have a slight chance open and I may, possibly, have a slight chance un-noticingly squeeze on the trigger.

I would be fucked.

That's why if you see any guy with their pants on fire in Orchard Road, go up and say Hi.

That will be me.

Fishy-FIshing-Fish-Fished

I attempted yet another first.

My first fishing trip.

At 1 am this morning, while I was sucked and stucked in the sewers of my revision, my housemates threw me a lifeline. They asked me to go fishing. Well it came as a surprise for me. Imagine someone msn-ing you (yes, my HOUSEMATES msn me. That is what happen when you live in a 2 storey house) late at night, asking you to go fishing.

On normal days, I would rather watch my porn. But somehow at that moment, maybe too much thinking has genetically change my thinking membranes and my brain actually process signals to my body to get prepared for the fishing trip.

So there I was, learning some last minute tips and tutorials on how to do my bait and hooks.

Exactly at 0230 hours, we were on our way to our designated pier where rumour says that small fishes were banned by the Fish Colony, and only big fishes were allowed to stay there. This was good news to me. This means that I can get nothing but big fishes for my virgin fishing trip.

Reached the pier at around 0315 hours, it was basically deserted. Well it should be cause how many bloody idiots would be fishing on a weekday? I am fine with it. I am used to being one.

Walking along the pier, I secluded all my senses to a near state of attaining Nirvana and try to feel where all the big fishes are.

I suddenly feel it, I sense and came to a sweet spot. Like a professional fisherman and a mighty swing of the fishing rod, my hook and anchor flew through the dark sky, penetrating the cold winds and into the vast sea.

"Ooi Cheebye you forgot to put your bait lah", my housemate shouted.

Fuck. I actually forgotten about it. Well its excusable cause I am an amateur. I am a virgin in fishing.

I seriously hate touching all this smelly and disgusting sea creatures and that explains why I almost puke as I had to hook a dead-for-2-years prawn to my hook. I should have bought Twisties instead.

Once done, I did a check again.

No tangles in my fish line.

Bait hooked.

Anchor still there.

All right, time for my first big fish. Come to Papa you Motherfucking fishes.

Again like a seasoned fisherman, excluding the part I forgot about my bait, I cast my line so far that no human eyes can see.

Well no one can. Its 3 am in the morning.

After waiting for like 30 min, I grew sleepy. No fish likes my prawn. The fishes must be all sleeping or so I thought when suddenly I feel this HUGE jerk to my line. I was so nervous. The first fish that fell in love with my prawn.

Now the tough part was reeling it up. The fishing rod bend to a point that I thought it would break. Using all the skills I learnt in cartoons, I turn my fishing rod left, right and center as I carry on reeling in the fish with all my might. Boy! what a strong fish, actually able to be on par with my 20kg pure musckles right arm.

My first fish, no way am I going to let in run away.

I succeeded in catching my first fish =) I am an absolute genius. I am a born fisherman.

My first fish.





Ok, laugh all you want. It may look like ikan bilis, but at least it is still classifed under fishes.

The rest of the night was pathetic. Zero catch. For a moment I was thinking that I was not there to fish fishes, but to feed fishes. I lost so much of my bait.

My skills are not to blame. Its freaking 4am at night, fishes have to sleep as well. I just have to wait till morning when they wake up for breakfast.

Morning came. My second catch is coming soon. I can feel it. The fishes are hungry. They want some McPrawn. I improvised my bait by wrapping my prawn in some fish meat. Now that should look appetising for the fishes. *Grin...

My sixth sense never lets me down. A size 9 fish came saying hello to my McPrawn. I am not sure whether it is edible, but after spending 6 hours at the bloody pier, I am not going home with just an ikan bilis.

I had the fish for dinner. My first meal eating fishes I caught. I am so proud of myself.

Say hello to the fish.

Fishing is fun. I like fishing. I like the sense of accomplishment when you succeed in wheeling one in. The only thing I hate is the scaling and cleaning part. I seriously hate the fishy smell as I digged all the organs out.

And guess what, I even found McPrawn in it.

It's Not That I Do Not Want to Blog.

It's just that I am too exhausted at the end of the day to just type any entry.

Writing reports is like a quicksand that drains all your ability to bullshit. That explains why I got no energy to write my blog. I wrote so much reports in the day that I totally lose my ability to bullshit anymore in my blog.

But well, looking on the bright side, for the first time in my undergraduate life, I actually have more than 1 week for serious revision before the exams. In previous semesters, assignments choke everyone till non had time to revise at all.

As you all know, being the smart me, being the authentic True Singaporean at Heart, I never get shamed by the same incident twice. I rushed all my lab-books, reports and assignments, surviving on Maggi Mee only. Efforts pay off, I have more time for revision.

If you haven't start feeling proud of me, you should. Cause I am.

If you guys think I am already satisfied, guess again. I haven't been drinking for weeks! Oh wait. I did drink last week. But that is not counted, it is excusable. It is my friend's birthday. I don't care! I am a fucker.

I have achieved a feat. I should be in the Guiness World Record for the longest non-drinking period award. Geez. I shall go reward myself now with a smoking break.

Oh yeah, something to announce to you guys. I am planning to quit smoking =)


Just not sure when....

Celebration of Asian Students In Australia

Few days ago was the birthday celebration for one of my aussie mate. Driving in 3 cars, we head over to a chinese restaurant somewhere in Cheenatown.

After settling down on a nice big table, I notice something was amiss. I thought this was supposedly an asian restaurant, but how come other than us, the rest of the patrons were ang mohs? Plus, the place is like so damn packed because of them.

In my most humblest opinion, they should be having fish and chips in some dodgy shops instead of crowding in with us.

Among the 13 of us, we ordered 11 dishes. Trust me, it was a very stressful dinner. Food came so fast that I thought we were ordering fast food. For the first 15 min, you can hardly hear anything except for noises that came from the spitting of the bones cause we were so busy finishing up the dishes in order to create space for the incoming food.

It was almost like I grab a piece of tofu with my half-fuck chopsticks skills, bend my big head down to eat my tofu and when I lift my head (taking considerable time), the whole fucking plate of tofu is all gone!

Anyway dinner was pretty good. I mean those food that came after 15 min were pretty good. It was only then when I can really taste the food. Before the 15 min, I was just swallowing with every 2 chews. A True Singaporean At Heart never gets trick by the same tofu incident twice.

There you have it, the 13 people who can swallow food with an average of just 2 chews. Birthday girl is the one that looks like she is wearing a red bra in the picture. After the dinner, we guys adjourned to some after-dinner sessions at her place.

To reward hardworking students like us, what better ways are there except to toxicate ourselves with alcohol?

To raise the stakes, we brought along this roulette game that determines the shots you drink. For the first time in my life, I was so happy that I lost. In fact, I drink when I lose and also even when I didn't lose. Who says no to free alcohol intoxication? I will only reject free alcohol under one circumstance, that is if I get pregnant.

People often ask me what is life about?





Well, this is life....

Fuck. I Got Tagged

I always appreciate the fact that I never got tagged, even for once, before. But as unlucky as I get, as I was browsing through my friend's blog, she actually tagged me. I am not one who knows exactly how to turn down requests. So I shall dedicate my virginity to her. God bless her lucky soul. Orh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo~


5 things in my bag:

- Domino's pizza vouchers.

- Grocery shopping receipt dated "24th May 2007". Fuck, what's this doing in my bag?

- 30Gb HDD containing my porn collection research materials. Highly Classified.

- Notebooks of course. I am a hardworking student. I use them to write down notes during lectures; albeit the only content the books have is my name.

- Voodoo doll. Given to me from one of my buddy. Theoretically, it is supposed to help me pass my exams. But practically, till now it hasn't did any of my exams for me.


5 things in my head:

- "Why the fuck am I writing this."

- "Need to finish up the assignments, reports, and lab-books so I can start on my revision." I am actually thinking about this. You should be impress of me, cause I am.

- "Oh yeah, this weekend need to pay up rent."

- "What to cook for tomorrow's lunch and dinner?" It is during these times when I especially miss my mother. Other times include when I am shitting, and I need someone to bring me a new roll of toilet paper from the storeroom.

- "I am seriously running out of ideas."


5 words sentences i frequently use:

- What the fuck! (Be aware that its not 'What the fuck?': This is a question. It ends with a lower bass tone. Mine is 'What the fuck!': This is a description. It ends with a higher pitch.)

- Ni-Nah-Beh.

- I-am-fucked. (Used when I am in deep shit. I use it almost everyday)

- I-am-hungry.

- Huh?-Sia-mi-lan-jiao~ (It's rather long but it always comes together as a full sentence)


5 recent smses received:

* I shall skip this one cause SMS-es are expensive in Australia. Plus the plan I am using doesn't consists of any free SMS-es.


5 recent things i just did:

- Read my friend's blog. That results in what I am doing now.

- Carried dumbbells. Carried as in from my room to the storeroom.

- Bathe. Carrying dumb bells cause me to sweat ya know?

- Smoke. I am just trying to reward myself for breaking some sweat.

- Scratch my bottom. Australia's mosquitoes are deadly. They penetrate through my pants and underwear.


5 things in my wardrobe:

- Obviously, UNDERWEARS!

- Socks.

- Unused condoms. Ok I am joking on this one =)
*They are actually used.

- Un-ironed shirts and pants. I miss my mother again.

- Luggage bags.


5 things i just ate:

- Rice with random soup.

- Nicotine and tobacco.

- Fish Oil with additional Omega 3.

- My mucus. Excuse me, I am having a slight flu.

- Ok nothing else, I guess it's saliva.


5 people i'm tagging:

Hmm ok, I am thinking who actually reads my blog and are active in blog writing themselves. I don't have much readers ya know. For those whom I tagged, it's ok if you guys don't respond. It is seriously all right with me. Serious.

I will just have additional spare gifts to give to other people.

- Eunice Jean Ong (Something else for you to blog about)

- Franky Luo Wei Sen (You-are-fucked)

- Beckham-ke-lan Phua Say Song (Stop blogging about how heartless Singaporeans are)

- Miss Pek (Yes. Don't open your eyes so big. You are taGGed)

Shit, I ran out of eligble applicants. I shall just make it 4 people that-are-fuckeddddd. Faster, the clock is ticking.....

The Season of Greetings

Ever since I started my life as a student again, there are two periods in a year which I absolutely detest most. These short periods are terms which I label it as "Fast & Furious".

I get so freaking busy that I don't even have time to watch my porn and I survived on eating instant noodles and my favourite, Indomee. On good days, I may even add an egg or two.

Now, it has once again reached the season of my fast pace life as it is just one month prior to exams. All my assignments and reports and revision start suffocating me and intoxicating me with countless terminology and equations.

I don't mind drowning in a pool filled with dollar notes, but not books and papers.

I hate life as a student who has to study for the sake of studying.

I miss the booze. I miss knocking myself flat with an overdose of alcohol even more.

On the bright side, it means I am heading back to Singapore soon for my holidays soon. But I am hesitating. Going back to Singapore means a cut down on my booze intake. Beers are the same as prostitutes. They are overcharged.

Aussies drink beers like Singaporeans want free things, there is never enough. This explains for the low costs of beers over here.

I guess the only solution for me is to get as much alcohol-toxicated drinks I can from our infamous Changi Airport, and hope that it will last me for the 2 months while I am caged in Singapore.

The Ultimate Slogan

It has always been an important issue that advertisements must have a slogan that best describes their products, thats is if they want to capture the attention of their consumers.

As the saying goes, If ya have a good slogan, thats half the battle worn. The other half depends on how dumb the consumers are.

If you are selling diapers, your slogan can be Fancy a hussle? Wrap the ass up.

For condoms, Shoot in me Macho. We never allow a single leak.

For sunglasses, Ladies won't ever know you are staring at their boobs.

For diet pills, Got additional money to spend? Be a dumb bitch and buy me home.

Sometime back while I was shopping, I saw this really good advertisement board that made me really impressed. Seriously impressed. It was an advertisement for a Global Positioning System (GPS).

Because She Can't Read Maps

Now that's really very funny and I think the advert is targetting at husbands or guys with girlfriends. Kinda true to a certain extent. I mean no offense to the female counterparts. But out of 10 ladies I know, 8 knows no shit about map reading. The other 2 starts reading the brand of the street directory.

But I must confess, though I do know how to read maps, I absolutely suck in navigating myself around. I never remember the roads or routes to get to places. The only place back in Singapore where I can drive around easily like the back of my palm is the MSC or so-called, Multi-Storey Carpark. I get from the ground floor to the top floor with ease.

When I get my own car, if I ever do, I will make sure I get one of this GPS in my car. Wouldn't it be so cool? I will never drive alone again. Every now and then, my GPS would make sounds like "Turn left in 100 m."

"Drive straight for the next 200m."

And then when you miss a turn, "You miss the previous turn, you Motherfucker."

Boredom Leads Me To Do The Following:

I am seriously so bored to death that I decided to churn out some random facts about myself. Please skip this entry if you are one who is thinking now "Who the fuck cares about what you are?"

No better still, if you really have this thought, stay away from here. Well right now, I am thinking the extent to how honest I am going to be. On a scale of 10, I guess I will go about 4 at first. Knowing myself, the tendency that I will reach 10 is approximately 99%.

That 1% is supposedly if there is a blackout in my house.

- I am a straight guy. I detest the sights of homosexuals making out in public. They can kiss all they want but please do it where no one sees you. I once saw two guys kissing in public. One by one, the old people around them suffer from cardio arrest.

- I am an animal lover. Among my favourites are chicken, pig, fish, lamb and cow. They taste excellent when grilled.

- I like girls with long hair. I mean above the neck.

-I hate girls who have this fringe hanging in a straight line infront of their forehead. I call them the "curtain fringe". You are only allowed to have this kind of hairstyle if you are think you are ugly. Better off, keep the fringe till it covers your face.

- I hate celeries, brinjas and durians.

- I hate to have no toilet paper when I want to shit. That is why it is advisable to wear two underwears out. You know what happens when you dirty one; you have the other.

- I hate ladies who speak in a voice that sounds as if they just came out of the womb.

- I am not really picky on food on some days. Notice I say "some". It means out of a week, that would normally fall under Monday and.... Ok, make that just Monday. Fuck, I am picky when it comes to food.

- I dont like it when girls put on perfume that smell too strong. Unless they are trying to cover their body odour, then well, I advise them to use the whole bottle. Otherwise, I prefer the natural smell of them just after a bathe.

- I like to fart when I am with my close friends. So if I fart infront of you, congratulations. You are my buddy. Better of if you are a fellow fart-ker as well. We can form a Farting Orchestra that specialises in farting a-cappella.

- I keep all my unsightful hair in check. That includes the armpits, groin area and your nostrils. It's called personal grooming and respect for others. It does not mean completely bald but rather trimmed. Imagine an ant getting lost in my nest of hair. This is call animal abuse. I just want to highlight one certain area. For my fellow friends who are reading this now, please look at your nostrils in the mirror. If you see hair sticking out, most probably I would have seen it as well. I just did not know how to bring this subject up to you.

- I have really low self-esteem when I was young. And even lower now.

- When I tell people I have low self-esteem, I am lying.

- I can't concentrate on two things at a time. An obvious example is when I am watching movies. I don't like to talk. So if you don't see me talking to you, please don't talk to me. I hate it when people talk to me in the midst of movies. If you really have something to talk to me, SMS me. Better still, leave a voicemail. I will get back to you.

- I acknowledge myself as a guy that cries easily. Punch me in my balls now and I will make sure I squeeze out two drop of tears. Instantly.

- I like to laugh a lot. Especially if you fall and do a triple somersault infront of me.

- I don't like it if people laugh at me when I fall and do a triple somersault.

- I used to criticize people a lot but have changed on that bad habit ever since I realised it was a lot harder to borrow money from people.

- Similar to farting, I like to burp as well. If I burp infront of you, it does not mean you are my buddy. I just had too much to drink.

- I like paying for girls but I hate girls who always presumed we are ever-so-willing to pay for them. Unless they are prepared to give me a blowjob anytime I want, please act like you are keen on paying.

- I don't like drinking. I just like the feeling that drinking can bring you. It makes me forget I just spend 100 dollars on it.

- I like to do things that torture the hell out of me such as jogging and weight lifting. It makes me wonder what the fuck am I doing.

- I like to see people either quarrelling or fighting. I enjoy it even more when it doesn't involve me.


I hate studying even more but I guess I have to go do it now. As I said, I like doing things that tortures myself and makes me think what the fuck am I doing.