My Name

My name is Hong Ziqiang, 洪子强。孩子的子，强壮的强。

Frankly speaking, I am proud of my name. I used to hate my name cause it doesn't have a ring to it. But over the years, as I grew older, I make it a point to like what my parents have named me.

Thats why till now, I didn't adopt any ang moh name.

Well not as if I didnt try adopting one before. But I just prefer my chinese name in the end. It just sounds weird hearing people calling me other than my chinese name. Think its an infactuation I grew to have over my name.

That's why whenever people ask me my chinese name, I will say proudly my name is 洪子强。孩子的子，强壮的强。

Know why I emphasize on saying each individual characters of my name?

Cause 9 out of 10 people on hearing my name for the first time will still call me Zhiqiang (志强).
I absolutely hate that. I dont know why. But I prefer insist people call me by the right pronounciation.

However not adopting any ang moh names do have its con too. For example, over my past 23 years, not one single non-chinese person has ever, AND I mean ever pronounce my name correctly.

My malay friends call me Jiqiang. What the fuck? I am not Chicken Strong.

Ang moh people call my name Zee Kueng. Even worse. I am not some ang ku kway.

Everytime they call me wrongly, deep inside my heart I will always be cursing "Ji your l*nji*o lah".

So in the end, I ask them to call me Hong. Easy and idiot proof. At least its one name which they have almost no problem pronounciating.

I just hate it when people mispronounced my name. Thats the bond and pride I have over my name.

我的名字是洪子强。孩子的子，强壮的强。

Alternatively, you can call me 强爷 :)

The Happiest Person In Army

Yet again, while I was trying my best to revise hard hard, score high high for my exams which is next week, I yet again have the sudden urge to blog; I have a sudden topic I want to say. Tsk..

For the past 16 years of schooling, I always have a problem concentrating on revising for my exams. Perhaps, maybe, possibly got a slight chance that explains of my low grades for the past 16 years.

Ok I am off track again. Back to my main topic.

Everyone or should I say almost no one likes the thought of going army. I mean you may not really dislike the idea of getting enlisted into army. But I am certain no single sound-minded person will be happy to say "Hurray, I am getting enlisted tomorrow! Free meals, free workouts, free lodgings, free teaching of how to tidy your room clean clean dust free"

Well, I do hope no one thinks like this.

But does anyone know or have the slightest clue which type of person will be the happiest in army?

The one who gets to be a clerk?

The one who gets to work from 8 to 5?

The one who gets the good allowance and is require to do the minimum amount of work?

The one who gets to chao keng throughout their NS liability?

Well if your answers are any of the above, I can just say you are somewhere there, but nowhere near.

I, Yours Sincerely, have come up with the perfect theory on Whose The Most Happiest Person In Army.

I believe whole heartedly, that gays are the most happiest.

Imagine everynight when you shower, you get to see one whole bunch of guys naked, and showering. How great can that be??

Example I like women. No I dont mean example, I mean as in actual fact I like girls. And everynight I get to see one whole bunch of girls naked, and showering with me. Wuuuuuu!!

How nice will that be? It is absolutely heaven!

I get to shower with one whole bunch of girls, and when we are changing into our clothes in the bunk, we just change straight away without the need of excusing ourselves to the toilet.

Watching girls change infront of me! Thats an enjoyment!!

So just tell me. Who can be more happier than gays in army?

Smell it?

Exactly 1 month left to Hello Singapore, Byebye Australia temporary. I cant wait to jump into the hands of my Motherland. It will be a joyous occasion for me, and my friends.

Because they can make use of me to organise a long-awaited prata session at our old place. They didnt have enough cars after I left.

Because they can make use of me to organise a BBQ session. During secondary school I was the Welfare Chairman. What I basically do is just organise more outings for my class since I was the most cho-bo-lan person around I was well-known for my enthusiasm, responsility and passion in getting gatherings.

Because they can make use of me to finish their leftovers during meals because they know I never get full because they believe in karma. And to leave over unfinished food was sinful cause you will get a husband/wife with face full of pimples pokkle dots.

Because they can make use of me to accompany them when they are bored. Because they know I always stays at home cause no one asks me out that I will surely go out and accompany them.

Because they can make use of me for a chat on the phone when they are bored. Because they know that I am damn k-po and can gossip with them about other people I am a spontaneous chatter on the phone and can exchange educational information and latest happenings about our friends.

And lastly because I love my friends...













When they give me free presents and treats :)

Eye Small Small, Ball Big Big

I am sleepy. I am tired. I am small small eyes and big big balls now. Still in the midst of rushing the my final report for this semester.

Remember the module which I said me and the Dwarfs got to come up a design of a car? Yeah, we are doing that crap now. So tired. Literally walking zombies everywhere in the Dwarfs' Hut now. Show you all a sneak preview of what we did hehehe.

TA DAH~~ This is the result of our great work. Small nice cute little car. Just nice for a Smurf to fit inside it.

By the way, do you know how to pronounce chassis?

If you are pronouncing it as chey-sis, then welcome to my clan. We were given a good laugh by the ang mohs when we first said that.

I dont know why but ang mohs call it share-si.

I shall bear with it. I am in their country, so I can only tahan my anger when they laugh and say "You stupid chinki~ It's called share-si"

Wait till they go Singapore.

"Do you sell any share-si?"

"Share-si your la*ji*o lah! It's called chey-sis ok. Dumb Ang Moh"

A Touching Day..

Finally after that day, I am left with just 1 assignment and 2 exams.

Worked my ass out for my final report yesterday and only managed to complete this morning. Phew, finally! Though it's not like I have completed everything, I am still happy.

Why? Well cause judging from the workload which I face that time, and had no choice but to marry anyone who does my work for me, I think I should be happy I completed things this far.

Tomorrow is the due date for the final last assignment of this semester. No worries about that since I can copy work things out tomorrow in school. Tsk..

By the way, just a kind warning to the friends of Yours Sincerely, please be prepare to pay your debts. Cause Yours Sincerely is coming back to Singapore SOON!

Finally!

To my Motherland. I just cant wait to eat food sold back in Motherland. At last for 3 months I no eat to eat my Indo-Mee. Hopefully at the end of 3 months I dont get so reluctant to come back to Australia again.

One more thing, any kind-hearted fellow would like to donate money to me? I am so in need of money that just one week after I reach Singapore, I will be starting work in my old place liao. Saddening :(

Ok, dont have much things to blog today hehe. So I shall stop now and take a smoke outside.

Yeah, I am still smoking :)

The Worst Way Of Dying

Funny enough, while I was doing my report just now, I suddenly thought about the worst way of dying. Do not ask me why my report link me to thinking the worst way of dying. It just suddenly pops up in my head.

Not that I feel like dying now, well theoretically speaking I feel like dying. Considering the endless reports which I am buried in nowaweeks, but technically speaking I dont feel like dying yet. Cause I still want to get to the age where I can watch my children grow up. Watch them screw some girls and then out pops my grandchildren. Well that is for sons lah. If I have daughters, watch them get screwed and out pops my grandchildren.

Anyway I thought of a few ways of the worst way of dying.

Get hit by a car then dragged along under the vehicle for a few metres. My legs at the left side of the road, my body on the right side of the street, my head on top of the car, my penis in the exhaust pipe.

Fall down from the 34th storey, head first. Brain juice splattered everywhere. Wait, in this case I dont think my brain juice will splatter. I have too big a head. Most probably my head will remain intact and the rest of my body become crushed from a height of 172cm to 137cm.

Get burned alive till I smell like barbeque meat while next door neighbours are having char-siew rice.

All these are considered quite gross till I thought about one way which I saw in a movie decades back. I am buried in a breeding ground of red ants where only my head is above the ground. In the breeding ground is not few, not hundreds, not thousands, not millions but TRILLION of red, fierce operationally-ready army of red ants. Then I will watch helplessly as they crawl towards me, into my nostrils, ear holes, mouth and biting my internal organs out.

I will die a slowly an pain death. I thought this was the most gross way of dying till I thought of another way which I rank as the MOST gross!

I dont mind saying out. But I hope no one will ever do these to me.

I fear most of getting bury in a pool of $100 dollar notes. So many of it till it covers me. Taking away any freedom of movement that I have.

So please, if you ever want to kill me, dont use the $100 method. Pleaseeeeeeeee~~


To gain that worth having, it may be necessary to lose everything else. - Bernadette Devlin

My Butt..

I can feel my butt is cracking. I am not sure why too.

Perhaps it's due to the fact I have been sitting infront of my laptop everyday for least 6 hours for the past 20 days?

Perhaps it's due to the fact that I have been doing my endless streams of reports and assignments while sitting on my chair for the past 20 days?

Or is it perhaps due to the fact that I just spend 9 straight hours sitting on the chair, staring at my laptop, completing my report today?

I am not very perhaps sure too.

I am so busy these few days that I cant even blog when I feel like blogging. How I wish today is 8th Nov....

Haiz..

I have been eating a lot of instant noodles lately too. Totally deprived of the time to cook myself a decent meal. Even when I do have the time, I just feel plain lazy to chop the garlics, onions, chinese veggie etc to cook myself a meal.

I am that lazy...

How I wish someone just invent a pill. And the pill can have Assam Laksa flavour or Chicken Rice flavour. Then whatever I want to eat, I just pop that pill in. And the result is the same as in I eat an actual meal.

How I wish studying is made easier. Perhaps you just insert a tube into your head and everything will be uploaded into your brain. And the bigger your head, the more knowledge you can stall.
I think in this case I will end up the smartest person in the world.

How I wish I can travel to any countries I want more easily instead of taking planes. Perhaps build a shuttle. I just walk in, close the door, enter the destination I want to go to. And 5 min later I will end up in that place. Wait, I dont even mind waiting for 15 min.

How I wish I can have so many wishes. Life is pathetic.


So is it possible to see the limitations of thought and give it its right place, and therefore giving the right place to thought brings about clarity - right? We mean by right place - the art of that intelligence which comes through investigation, through exploration, that art - the very meaning of that word is to put everything where it belongs, put everything in our life where it belongs, and to find out where it belongs you need tremendous intelligence. - J. Krishnamurti

I Feel It..

I feel my balls going soft. Doing 32 pages of pure calculation is pure madness. And the best part is that the 32 pages of pure calculation is just one of the many many things I need to complete.

I am sick. Allergic to school.

To make things worse, one of the many reports I am writing now is regarding Human Resource Management.

What the fuck? I am a Mechanical Engineer-to-be. So why am I learning how to write HR management report.

I just love University. It is slowly screwing me up.

I am really looking so forward to the end of my exams on 8th Nov. The Dwarfs and me are so looking forward to that day that we are starting to plan our after activities after the exam.

Of course, to mark an occasion like that, booze drinking is a must.

Mark my words. I am going to get so dead drunk on that day that I wont even realise I am in Australia.

If what I am going through now is a dream, someone please wake me up.

I found out something the other day too. Being Buddhist, we all know that very often, we have to pay offerings to the deities by burning joss sticks or joss papers or buy fruits all these stuff.

But ever heard of pay offerings ONLINE? Yeah you heard me right. Paying offerings online.

I didnt know that there are wireless broadbands in the other world right now.

Think I gonna add my ah gongs and ah mas to my MSN now....


It is fairly obvious that most of us are confused intellectually. We see that the so-called leaders in all departments of life have no complete answer to our various questions and problems. - Buddha

Something About Aussialah~

Today I feel like talking more about Australia Aussialah.

I remember clearly that it was the 3rd week in Aussialah, that I show something. That something make me speechless, except open my big mouth and awe in amazement.

Before any report, there is always an Introduction part. So I shall make an Introduction first.

Back in Singapore, if I asked what method do we use to dispose off our rubbish, True Singaporeans At Heart will be able to answer me 100% accurately.

Firstly, we have friendly neighbourhood Spiderman Bangla who comes by regularly in his mini rubbish car. Happily jostling with our rubbish before emptying it in his mini rubbish car.

After which friendly neighbourhood Bangla will drive his mini rubbish car back to his Rubbish Base, happily whistling along the way. Along the way he will be wondering how come the road infront of him is so empty. Not knowing because True Singaporeans At Heart always siam at the sight of seeing a mini rubbish car.

No need paiseh to say. WE ARE FREAKING SCARED OF THE SMELL!

Anyway once friendly neighbourhood Bangla reaches his Rubbish Base, he will happily empty the rubbish into the main rubbish bin while waiting for the Big Rubbish Truck to come and empty all the rubbish friendly neighbourhood Bangla has in his Rubbish Base.

That's how, we, True Singaporeans At Heart, know about our country's rubbish disposal method.

Ok, end of introduction. Now to the main part on what I am trying to blog today.

So after that 3rd week which I saw that something in Aussialah that make me amazed, I was waiting for the chance to see something pass by me again. But I was never able to catch it in action..

Until today hia hia hia.....

I finally saw something in action. Wanting so much to share with my friends on what I actually saw, I faster run into my room and grabbed my Canon Ixus 800i out from my room and video cam it.

Hehe, so now Ladies & Gentlemen, allow me to show you that something which make me awed~

CLICK HERE


If your mouth is now closed after seeing the video, come on. Give me some face. Am I the only one who AWE when I see this? Dont make me look like a suah koo. Please awe along with me :(

I am not a kampong kid~



I become a girl when I drink beer.
I start talking nonsense. I start picking on things. I start picking a quarrel with anyone I see. I start being unreasonable - Qiang (Stolen idea from somewhere)

I Hate Cutting Fingernails

I hate cutting fingernails. Why must we have fingernails? And guess what?

I hate guys who keep long fingernails on their last finger. I know it's called pinkie, I deliberately dont want to call it pinkie. Cause pinkie sounds so girly.

Anyway, I always find it a hassle to cut my fingernails. I like to keep it short. Some may deabte say keep fingernails good what. can open coke or sprite easily. Yeah I know that. I do not have much problem opening can drinks with my short fingernails too.

Cause even if the can drink doesnt open through the conventional way, I will make sure it opens using brute force. Trust me, I got plenty. But overall, I am still a Gentle True Singaporean At Heart.

I cant really think of any good points for keeping long fingernails. Since there is laser for permanent hair removal, is there any laser treatment for permanent fingernail removal?

I suggest we pull the whole fingernail out leaving just the flesh exposed. Cool right?

And one thing I really really hate about fingernails. I always have this phobia that associates chalkboard with fingernails. When I was just a little boy, I used to imagine the horrid noise it creates if you were to scratch your nails against the chalkboard..

EEEeeeekk.. I am having goosebumps now.

Hey what! Fat people got goosebumps too ok~

And besides, I dont use my fingernail to dig my nose too. Cause with or without, I still can dig using my finger. Tsk.

Digging nose is a luxury. The feeling is quite similar when a woman orgasms. I suppose...

Digging nose is shiok. Digging nose is an Art that requires years of horning one's skills. Just a suggestion to everyone out there. If you dont want to have big nostrils, next time dig your nose using ur pinkie.

Reason is simple. Lets compare digging your nose with your thumb or your pinkie. Overtime, do you think your nostrils will have a wider circumference if you have been using your thumb?

For those who have been thinking eee eee eee while reading this entry. Dont act as if you dont dig your nose.

9 out of 10 people that I know digs their nose regularly. The other died of respiratory problems. Apparently his nose was clogged up with Pi Sai.

Speaking of which, what is the weirdest friend you have? I know of one particular fran that till now I rank him as Number 1 weird guy.

I caught particular guy in action "LIVE" once in class. Apparently particular guy was digging his nose (Dont ask me why I am looking at him digging his nose). Particular guy took his finger out and even from where I was sitting, I could see that it was obvious there was green Pi Sai on his pinkie.

Next, before I know, particular guy popped that bloody same finger INTO HIS MOUTH AND TASTED IT!!

AAARRGGGHHHH~~~ WHAT THE FUCK RIGHT?!

Gross BIG time!

Lucky that happen when I was way much younger. I think particular guy has quit that habit now.

I hope..


Amida Buddhism opened up Buddhism in Japan to all classes. Where heretofore Buddhism had been exclusionary to woman and lower classes, the spread of Pure Land philosophy allowed a democratic and inclusionary blossoming of Buddhism throughout Japan.

征婚

Just a couple of days ago, I changed my MSN nick to "I will marry anyone who is willing to do my - 1 lab report - 3 workbooks - 2 assignments - 2 final reports - 2 exams now"

I recieve massive feedback. A lot of people starting msn-ing me.

But I was not in the least happy at all. The reason is because they msn me not because they want to send in their application for my msn notice. But rather they msn me to laugh at me.

"No one will do for you one la."

"You put you want to marry them, that's why no one dare to offer their help lah."

"If you dont put want to marry them, I think got more people will help you lah."

All these were saddening. But none were fatal enough to deal me that massive blow till one msn me this.

"Aiya. You change your nick to - I will marry the person who REFUSES to help me do my reports. And I confirm everyone will start helping you~"

Neh neh tamagochi~ I am so sad :(

My fragile heart was broken.

Anyway, I didnt want to blog today actually cause as my statistics shows, I still have a lot of unfinished things. Basically I have been like damn busy for the whole month and it is going to be this way till next november when my last exam paper ends.

I feel so sian. I feel a bit stress.

Did you know how to see whether a person is feeling stress?

Ah huh! Bet ya dont know.

Lucky being a True Singaporean At Heart, I am intellectually equipped with fucking-the-not-bad face reading skills. So now please allow Yours Sincerely to impart you with some skills from the Qiang's Dummy Guide to Facial Readings.

Refering to Page 231, line 12, it says this:

"By observing the facial expressions of one's face, you will be able to know whether he/she is feeling stress. Easy, once you notice his/her eyes, mouth and nose starts living closer to each other, it means he/she is feeling stress."

I am so smartttt~


A good friend who points out mistakes and imperfections and rebukes evil is to be respected as if he reveals a secret of hidden treasure. - Buddha

If Qiang Can Cook, So Can You! PART II

And finally, it is time again for the much anticipated secret Qiang's recipe! Today I am going to teach a dish which I just ate for dinner. This dish is suitable for people of all ages. And best of all, it is nice to eat! (Self-assumed)

This dish is called: 强式特礼亚奇酱拌饭 (Qiang's Style Teriyaki Mixed Rice)

Ingredients

- Of course, to cook teriyaki you need fucking teriyaki sauce.

- Oyster sauce (Aga aga)

- Rice (Cooked rice!)

- Capsicums (Half)

- Water (1/4 glass. But if you have a big glass, then fuck it. Just aga aga)

- Sugar aka gula gula (Little. Few powders. One pinchful (Forget one pinchful if you have fat fingers)

- Chinese veggie (Dont ask why chinese veggie. Cause I am Chinese! You can use kang kong if you are Malay or parsley if you are Italian)

- Meat

- Salt (Aga aga)

- Light Kikkoman soya sauce

- Chopped garlic

- Sliced onion (1 HUGE onion)

Step 1: Marinate meat with salt, light Kikkoman soya sauce.

Step 2: Heat the frying pan and put some oil in it. After which, throw in your finely chopped garlic. As I shall repeat again, keep stirring the bloody garlic and make sure it doesnt turn too brown.

Step 3: Throw in your marinated meat and onion.

Step 4: Cook till you see your onion a bit chao-ta. Dont ask why. It's Yours Sincerely recipe if ya remember? Once onion a bit chao-ta, throw in your chinese veggie and capsicums.

Step 5: Important step!! If you have prepared parsley in Step 4, you can throw it away. I HATE PARSLEY!

Step 6: Once you aga aga think that your chinese veggie and capsicums are done, it's time to add the sauce. Note: If your movements are slow, I suggest you simmer the fire. Or not, by the time you realise you finish adding the sauce, you find yourself with a pan of chao-ta veggies.

Anyway, add the teriyaki sauce, sugar and oyster sauce in.

Step 7: Put water in. Wait for gravy to boil.

Step 8: If you realise after a very long time your gravy still doesnt boil, it means you simmer your bloody fire in Step 6 and you forgot to turn the fire back. (Advice: You shouldnt cook in future)

Step 9: Prepare cooked rice on a plate. Pour your contents in pan over your rice.
Wa lah! You have prepared yourself a nice meal of 强式特礼亚奇酱拌饭 (Qiang's Style Teriyaki Mixed Rice) for yourself.

Enjoy!


Let us live gladly! Quite certainly we are free to do it. Perhaps it is our only freedom, but ours it is, and it is only phenomenally a freedom. 'Living free' is being 'as one is'. Can we not do it now? Indeed can we not-do-it? It is not even a 'doing': it is beyond doing and not-doing. It is being as-we-are. This is the only 'practice'. 'All Else is Bondage; Non-Volitional Living' - Buddha

The Noise

So tired I was after spending the whole day at the Dwarfs' Hut doing my report, that I dozed off straight after dinner back at home.

Was sleeping soundly when I got awoken by my neighbour, again, playing with his trumpet. Pardon me, playing is too strong a word. I should say that he was making noises with his trumpet.

Despite that, I could actually still figure out he was trying to play the tune in one of Superman's movies.

Grrr. Two things I hate most in life is when I get disturbed in my sleep and you disturbed my sleep.

Anyway what can I do? I am a gracious True Singaporean At Heart. So just keep quiet, maybe frown a bit and wake up loh~

Which reminds me of something. I broke my personal record with The Art Of Sheep Counting again two days ago. I counted 1100+ sheeps. Tsk.

I am really getting lifeless here. I stopped counting till 1100+ because simply, to count the sheeps in chinese when it reaches the 1000 mark was damn difficult and every count was very very longggggg..

“一千零一只绵羊，一千零二只绵羊，一千零三只绵羊。。。。”

Damn tiring loh, I also reached a stage where my sheeps were jumping over the fence in twos or threes. Because I keep losing counts.

But the fact that I am counting sheeps almost every night shows one thing.

I find it harder to sleep over here. I dont know why. Beats me too.

Does anyone with psychological background can explain to me my behaviour now? Is it because I am worried that I am getting more yandao than Andy Lau therefore resulting in the fear in me that I will get swarmed by flocks of girls every now and then?

How siah like that? I scareddddddd you know. So scareddddddd that I think I will hit 2000 sheeps tonight :(


While the Tathagata, in his teaching, constantly makes use of conceptions and ideas about them, disciples should keep in mind the unreality of all such conceptions and ideas. They should recall that the Tathagata, in making use of them in explaining the Dharma always uses them in the semblance of a raft that is of use only to cross a river. As the raft is of no further use after the river is crossed, it should be discarded. So these arbitrary conceptions of things and about things should be wholly given up as one attains enlightenment. -Buddha

Random

This is just another one of the many many random insertion of entry into my very lame blog. As usual, I am currently indulging in the fascination of anyhow bombarding craps into my reports.

Just recieved my timetable for my exam. First paper on 6th Nov followed by another one on 8th. That's all.

In case now you are thinking What the fuck?! Only 2 subjects????
Well just to reconsider that thought of yours, the reason I have only 2 examination topics is because Yours Sincerely is now trying to rush out 2 final reports for my other 2 modules. Time is running out~

And by the way, due to much consideration and constraints and reasons, I will be not be staying at my current place for next semester. Seems that my current 2 housemates have other plans. I am upset, not upset to the fact I gotta move out, but upset at the fact that we actually started this home of ours from scratch and I pay much effort to what it is today.

Well though it's still quite a crappy house, but least Yours Sincerely tried ok.

Anyway I am kinda excited to move out too. New housemates! Hope that I can get ang moh housemates this time. Need to show them how friendly Singaporeans are. Especially considering Yours Sincerely is a True Singaporean At Heart.

And who knows? I may make them awe in amazement to see me whipping up some meals for them.

Awe in amazement as in them, my new housemates, exclaiming in pure surprise "CANT SINGAPOREANS COOK A DECENT MEAL?!" :(

Anyway thanks for the fact I have an abundant amount of time before I fly back home after my exams, I can least manage to settle more stuff before I head home and take a final look at my house.

And of course, I must give a million thanks to the Dwarfs for letting me bunk in at their hut when school reopens. Till I find a new place to shift into.

Of course, being good Dwarfs, they will not charge me any rental fee at all for being their Sofa Master. But they said that instead of paying rent, they shall take random turns on poking my backside every night.

I am so dead....

But least now I know why have they been eyeing on my butt for the past 4 months. Tsk.


The worst taint is ignorance. Destroy this one taint and become taintless. - Buddha

Grrrr....

I hate this. I hate writing reports.

I was writing my report halfway, well technically speaking it's just 4 lines, and I got stuck for 1 hour. I am squeezing precious brain juice yet have no idea how to continue with my report.

Therefore I diverted my attention to writing my blog instead. Its less brain juice sapping. Its easier to crap over here.

It satisfies my imagination of seeing so many lines written out as compared to my miserable 4 lines in my report. Haiz~

And guess what? I am also running out idea on what to blog.

Oh ya, suddenly remember something. Read from my friend's msn nick that during Mid Autumn Festival the full moon was blocked by the haze.

WHAT a pity. The moon looks so nice in Australia. No haze to block it. Tsk. Sianz loh. The streets so bright because of the moonlight. Want to use Harry's torchlight to shine the ground also no point. So bright here.

Want to smell some haze in Australia also cannot. Hope the windows in my room back in Singapore are closed. I dont want to smell anything nasty when I go back for my holidays.

Oh moon is bright today again.

No wait, I see some haze.


Oops sorry, there are just clouds. Sianz, no haze here :(

Grin~

Remember that time when I said I had a presentation?

I got back my results on how I fared that day. Grin~

Among the group of people (90% angmohs) that presented that day, I scored 2nd highest. Just 0.4 marks difference from the highest. Grin~

I shall self-proclaimed that day to be a day when 4 million Singaporeans shall rejoice, again. I did my country proud. Grin~

I knew my lame jokes are internationally recognised. Singlish RULES BIG TIME!

Now that's another skill to add to my resume. Grin~

And this morning, I received a parcel sent to me specially from Singapore. It was a cream for cracked heel. Courtesy of *cough cough someone. Happy... Grin~

Today is a grinning day. And to top it off my grinning day, I bought pizza for dinner today. Grin~

How I wish everyday is a grinning day.

Advertising For Jobs From Dec 06 to Feb 07

I would like to advertise for jobs.

I am hardworking, I am a fast learner, I am not a gay.

I dont require much pay, perhaps just enough to make me sustain my daily lifestyles. I shall enclose a resume of myself. Interested employers please leave a message.

I will take any jobs ranging from waiters to masseurs to gigolos to part-time boyfriend.

Personal Particulars

Name: Hong Ziqiang

Gender: Male

Race: Mixed Chinese (Malaysian Chinese + Singapore Chinese)

Email: zinesta@hotmail.com

Marital Status: Single

Date of Birth: 23/09/1983

Age: 23

Religion: Buddhism (Open Minded)

Nationality: Mixed (Malaysian + Singaporean)

Language Written: English, Singlish, Chinese

Language Spoken: Singlish, Ang Moh English, Mandarin, Hokkien, Cantonese

Date Of Availability: Dec 06 - Feb 07

Educational Background

University Of Queensland: Currently still praying I pass studying hard.

Singapore Polytechnic: Diploma in Mechanical Engineering and obtained 2 Distinctions of which both are not related to Mechanical Engineering at all.

Yishun Town Sec Sch: GCE "O" Level Stream.

Northland Primary Sch: Bluff my way through 6 years of study.

Achievements

Spelling Champion for Sec 2. Only 6 person participated. Of which 5 I bribe with my pocket money. The other one was retarded.

Past Working Experience

Waiter for most of my life.

Part time telemarketeer. What I do is just make nuisance calls and smile when they scold me Kan Ni Nah or Chao Chee Bye.

Specialist when I entered army. My turn to scold people Kan Ni Nah and Chao Chee Bye and they can only smile back at me.

Customer Service Executive at a certain place.

Computer Knowledge and Skills

Computer Knowledge:

Able to find the best porn sites in the minimum amount of time given.

Equipped with skills to draw a naked woman various artifacts using Adobe Photoshop.

Microsoft Excel, Words, Powerpoint, Blogspot.Com

Skills:

Able to scold people in a minimum amount of time to make them have the thought of jumping down 12th storey.

Able to smile when people scold me vulgarities that makes normal people have the thought of jumping down 12th storey.

Attentive and gossip a lot informative about things happening around.

The Art Of Sheep Counting

As much as I like to sleep, there are of course endless numbers of nights which I lie on the bed. And for what feels like an eternity, but I just cant get to sleep.

I believe 10 out of 10 people encounter difficult sleeps. And up till now, different people must have different ways of making themselves fall to sleep. Some believe staring into space will help, some believe reciting Na-Mo-Orh-Me-Tuo-Fuo over and over again will help.

I for one, uses the Art of Sheep Counting when I cant get to sleep.

Trust me, it's serious shit that counting sheeps isnt easy at all. It requires skills. But luckily, you know that I am a True Singaporean At Heart and therefore I am equipped with fucking-the-not-bad-sheep-counting-skills.

Counting sheeps is an art. People complain that it is not an efficient way to get yourself to sleep.

You can count halfway and then lost count of where you counted till. In the end you spend so much trouble thinking where you lost that sheep and you became more awake.

A normal sheep counting normally goes like this "...... 132.... 133..... 135....."

Hey where the fuck did the 134th sheep went off to?

I for one, take special interest in counting sheeps. It has become so fun that I, actually make it a habit of counting sheeps nowadays.

And I take pride on the fact that 2 days ago, I broke my personal record of counting till 655 sheeps.

I stopped counting the 656th sheep not because I fell asleep. But because it was just damn tiring counting them.

And I reckon my farm is too packed with 655 sheeps.

Nonetheless, I seek to break my record of 655 sheeps in days to come.

But actually I was hoping I wont break my record.

Or not it will appear quite obvious to people I really have no life in Australia :(

If Qiang Can Cook, So Can You!

When I 1st arrived here, I was not really technically equipped with fucking-the-not-bad-cooking-skills.

But I do therotically have some basic knowledge on what goes into the food thanks to my many years of fooling around and messing with my mother's cooking.

Being a fucking miser True Singaporean At Heart, I hardly eat out here in Australia as cooking myself is wayyyyy much cheaper. I can eat 3 meals at home compared to a single meal outside.

So after this few months, I am a bit confident to say that my culinary skills have improved a bit. I believe that if even a guy like me can know how to cook, so can you!

Now, I shall post a recipe from my family's recipe book called the "Qiang's Finest Cuisine Made By Idiots". This book shall be passed on for generations.

From me to my kid, to my kid's kid, to my kid's kid's kid, to my kid's kid's kid's kid, to my......


Now I shall post my 1st secret recipe, I name it: 强式肉碎杂酱面

Ingredients

- Salt (Aga aga yourself)

- Oyster sauce (Aga age yourself)

- Black Bean Sauce *Important. Star of the meal (Aga aga yourself)

- Onions (Australia has fucking huge onions. So I use 1 normally. But prepare for a farting session after meal)

- Black soy sauce (Aga aga yourself)

- Potatoe starch (Aga aga yourself)

- Noodles (Maggi Mee type is best)

- Sesame Oil

- Mince Meat (Non halal if you dont want to share with your muslim friends. Tsk)

- Chopped green & red capsicums (Aga aga yourself)

- Finely chopped garlic (Good for detoxing your body)

Step 1: Boil the noodles until you dont feel like eating Ma-Mee when chewing on them.

Step 2: Drain off water. After draining, immediately rinse with cold water. Dont ask why, just follow. Add lots of sesame oil into it and stir thoroughly. Throw the pot of noodle to one side for time being.

Step 3: Fry the garlic. Of course to do that you must 1st having a frying pan. Heat the pan and then put in some vegetable oil. Fry the garlic till it's light brown. Dont fry to the extent of dark brown. Dont be an idiot. If you cant differentiate colours, my advice will be never attempt to step into the kitchen.

Step 4: Throw in your mince meat. Stir fry till you feel its edible.

Step 5: Throw in your onions. And just in case you are an idiot, I never mention sliced onion doesnt mean you throw the whole fucking onion in it. Slice it first.

Step 6: Take out everything and put at one side first. (Normally I skip this step cause I am lazy.)

Step 7: Stir fried the capsicums till its slightly chao-ta and then throw in your mince meat, onions and garlic earlier on if you follow Step 6. Anyway for goodness sake, Step 6 doesnt make any difference. You should skip it.

Step 8: Pour in your black bean sauce, oyster sauce and salt. Pour in some water too. Not too much water. Aga aga yourself.

Step 9: Leave to boil. Once boil, put the potatoe starch in a bowl and add some water to it. Stir till everything dissolves. Next, slowly pour the mixture into your gravy. Stir CONSTANTLY! Cause if you dont, you will discover big lumps of shit in it later on. For your information, the starch is to thicken the sauce.

Step 10: Put the noodles you cooked earlier on your plate. Pour gravy on top of noodles and WA LA, your 强式肉碎杂酱面 is done.

Step 11: Check you have close the fire.

My Another First Time

Today is another day for 4 million people to rejoice. I got my 1st hair cut in Australia.

Stepped into the "Uni Salon" that is situated in my campus with a heavy heart. I was nervous. I took another look at my hair in the mirror cause who knows, 10 min later I may leave the saloon with a Valderrama hair.

Australians like to open a conversation with anybody "Hows it going?"
Basically what they meant was to ask how is your day.

Anyway I remember the 1st time I heard this was when I was taking a bus to a local shopping center and the bus driver greeted me with this Hows it going thingy.

I paused for a while then replied.... "Duh.. By bus?"

Ok anyway back to the saloon. As I was saying, I took a final look at my hair in the mirror before I was shown to a seat.

"Hows it going?"

I am not so stupid this time.

"Oh my day was great. And it is further delightened when I know I am going to get my hair cut by you."

Just in case you got mistaken, I wasnt trying to hook her up or something. Just some conversation skills I horned up here in Australia.

Back in Singapore, getting a haircut was easy. Say "slope and cut a bit hair here and there" and Singaporean barbers will understand.

But here, after she greeted me with Hows it going, she followed by a sentence of clippers or scissors?

What the fuck? I thought they come together. Luckily being a True Singaporean At Heart, I was equipped with fucking-the-not-bad-situation-analysis skills so I figured out her clippers must be refering to whether I want a slope and scissors means I jus want to have a normal side.

I chose scissors. No clippers I told her.

Oh by the way, I forgot to mention I specially wore my daily disposable contact lenses instead of glasses today for this hair cutting occasion.

Because at least if my hair was to end up like Valderrama, I wanted to at least witness the whole process of how it ended up like him.

Well in case you dont know, I have quite a high degree of myopia and I cant see no shit without my glasses.

Throughout the cutting of my hair, she will keep asking me questions like Oh so you want cut it this way or that way, so is this length ok, so you want cut the fringe and etc...

So at the end of the day, my hair was like something which I designed myself.



For those friends who dont know me well, just want to tell you that, me, Yours Sincerely, is fucking bad at designing things :(