Birthday Wishes II

First and foremost, I would like to say thanks to the people out there who have spend some precious time of theirs to sms, call, message or even msn me on my birthday. I did my best in replying most of you guys. For those I did not, sorry, I was too drunk.

And I was not joking when I wrote about this post. I seriously made my birthday wishes for the 1st time in 11 years.

Guess what? One tiny fraction of my birthday wish really came true. Not completely, but somehow or rather slightly connected; just 24 hours shortly after I made my wish.

The feeling of the lips, the chest and abdomen, I feel it all today. I had a short affair with someone whom I have never met before. It was seriously just a one-time thing. I would never do such a thing again.

While my one-day-stand lover was asleep, I took a picture of him.




Meet my lover, Mr Tommy, the manniquin.

The truth was, I had a First Aid Course today =)

Do not ask me why I am taking FAC over here, it is a pre-requisite for Engineering students.

I did similar courses back in Singapore but it wasn't as realistic as what I did today. Back in those days, we just have to put on our Oscar winning performance and act. Everything was just about acting garang. We blow air into the dummy's nostrils instead of the mouth, we do chest compressions as if the dummy just killed my dog. And if all fails, we throw the dummy around hoping it will shout 'ouch'. Luckily it didn't. I would have pee in my pants.

In today's CPR lesson, I actually had to REALLY fucking blow the manniquin's mouth. I hope he didn't feel the onions I ate in the morning.

Giving an actual blow to his mouth isn't as easy as you see. I had to stretch my mouth so big that it completely cover the manniquin's mouth. After just 2 cycles of CPR (each cycle = 2 blows, 30 chest compressions), I could feel the toil it is taking on my body.

My mouth was so bloody tired just after giving 4 blows. Seriously, I would never be the one giving blowjobs to anyone, ever, cause it is so freaking tiring. I didn't mention anything about receiving.

This is one aspect which I think asian guys win over caucasians. We do not make the ladies as tired in this area.

During the chest compression training, I was seriously bored to death. Cause hey, the manniquin's a guy. Personally, I prefer a female manniquin. I need something to rest on my fingers on while I do the chest compressions ya know?

Birthday Wishes

Truth be told, I never believe in birthday wishes. That explains why I haven't made any birthday wish at all since 12 years old.

Cause what is the point of making birthday wishes when they never come true?

I made plenty of wishes before 12. Non came true. In fact, I can't even remember what I wished for back then.

Since my wishes never came true, I don't even bother making them anymore. Whenever I have a birthday cake and there's this close-your-eyes-and-make-a-fucking-wish routine before blowing out the candles, I always just close my eyes and cup my hands together for no apparent reason.

I never make any wish. Cause they just never come true for me.

To a certain extent, I am not really disappointed when my wishes don't come true. I like surprises. That is why when happy things happen to me, I prefer to stay in a mental of how-the-fuck-did-this-happen, rather than "Oh my birthday wish came true, boring~".

However this year, prior to my birthday in a few days time, I have prepared a list of 3 wishes which I do hope, for a change, will come true.

Come midnight on that exact day, you will see an idiot holding together his hands and facing the window. Don't call the police, I am just making my wishes that has been late for 11 years.

The 1st wish: I want to graduate successfully next June and I hope I don't ever have to study again. Unless of course, I am paid to. Who says NO to free money?

The 2nd wish: I want to buy things without even bothering to look at the price tag, ever.

As for the 3rd wish, it shall be the most important wish and will therefore remain a secret. Don't worry, I ain't hoping I turn into a lady. I still prefer pee-ing while I am standing. Squatting isn't for me. Fat people don't like squatting. If there is really a need for me to squat, I will..... Ok I will squat.

Dear Birthday Genie, for once, please come and visit me on my birthday.

You Motherfucker....

The New Toy

For those avid readers who have been following my blog close enough, you will know that amongst my favourite hobbies; other than shitting, eating and peeping, I like taking photos a lot.

I hear protests saying that my picture-taking skills are like fuck but hey, even the lousiest soccer player have the rights to play on a field, let alone me.

But as much as I like taking pictures, I am not one of those fanatics who invests thousands of dollars to get those high-end cameras that weigh like a fucking AK47.

And besides, you don't need a thousand bucks crap to snap pictures underneath the skirts.

I never understand the rationale of getting such good accessories for a camera. For example, I overheard some of my camera-fanatics friends discussing on the latest flashlight they bought for their camera. They were telling me how fucking bright the flashlight is and I was telling them how fucking shocked the price scared the shit out of me.

Why not just buy a gigantic torchlight? It is less than 1/5 of the price, comes with free batteries, same lighting effect and you can use it when you forget to pay the electricity bills.

Never mind, I wont understand them just like I never understand why bras are so expensive.
Oh I see, it reads "Push-Up Bra".

Just today, my new toy came. A new camera stand to aid in my pictures taking conquest. A new camera stand to make sure those skirts don't turn out blurry when I snap them at night.

Like a young teenager who just receive his first condom, I was so eager to try out my new camera stand that I was holding my camera stand and waiting outside my house for a car. The reason was because I had a picture effect in my mind that I want to try it out. To do that, I need a fucking car to drive pass a round-about near my house.

On normal days when you don't expect anything to drive around that round-about, buses, lorries, sedans and even snails will go pass it. But when I want to test my new toy, there is not a single car in sight and even the wind is laughing at me.

My housemate sees my plight and offer to help me by driving his car around the round-about. I am seriously not very sure on whether I should offer him my gratitude or say he is really gan bo liao. But anyway, thanks to him, I got what I want.

My first picture with my camera stand, I am so touched....

Party At The Dell

Judging by the photos in my Friendster, a lot of friends are commenting that my life over here in Australia doesn't feel like a student for I seem to spend most of my time drinking booze.

Well, they are wrong, You are wrong. My life is about PLENTY of booze.

I am just kidding, it is not that exaggerating. But to be truthful to a certain extent, I do drink more over here compared to back in Singapore.

Just yesterday, we had another party at The Dell.

The Dell is a wonderful place, The Dell is where I sleep, The Dell is my home.

This name is derived from one of my friends, reason being my house is at Dell Road and my housemates and I organized parties quite often.

I like this name.

I like this place.

I love my neighbours =)

The party was good yesterday and would have been perfect if we had strip girls =)
Notice that I said strip girls, ,don't give me strip obasan-s please. With all due respect for old ladies, it is not that we dislike older women, we just prefer ladies who are not upper-body-physically altered by gravitational forces.

The whole night was about running around grabbing whatever drinks that is around to ease the drinking urge. The thing I like about being me is I skull everything.

I skull wine, I skull beers, I skull anything that has alcoholic toxic in it.

Sipping are for pussies, I am a man.

That is why if you sip drinks, you are not in my league. Don't talk to me. Talk to my toes. If you are lucky, they may twitch a bit.

If you drink using straws, even better. My toes will form a 'Fuck you' international gesture.

But I am kinda disappointed that I did not really get to drink a lot yesterday, probably only 7 bottles of beers, 4 Vodka shots, 3 glasses of pussy wine and think 3 Sambuca shots.

I did get a small surprise yesterday, there was a birthday cake for me, courtesy from my housemates. And I will greatly acknowledge the fact that the cake was actually bought from a convenience store when we were groceries shopping and never mind the fact that I nearly paid for the cake.

The truth was I didn't know that cake, if you considered it a cake, was mine until they were holding it and singing the birthday song. I knew that cake look familiar.

Well, it is the thought that counts so yeah, I am grateful to them.

It would have been a perfect birthday celebration if I get laid yesterday night.

Damn, I thought alcohol makes a person cuter...

Recapping My Life

Sometime 23 odd years ago in the month of September, I was born.

Well to be honest, I have no recollection on the things that happen before I was six years old other than the times I cried when I entered Kindergarten, fell in love for the first time at the same place with a girl whom I can no longer remember other than a vague image of her throwning plasticine at me. Well I had projectiles thrown on me all the time so it doesn't really matter.

Primary school was kinda special to me. I am totally different from what I used to be. As well as my memories can serve me, I think I was a very quiet boy and was a very fat and quiet boy. I think I was so fat that if I hang a picture of me on the wall, it would fall off. I fell in love with the second girl of my life for perhaps a good six years and I realise for the first time how having an erection felt, but never knew what was it for.

It was at that time I also realise how my head was made up of different molecular compositions compared to normal Earthlings and I had this tiny bit of righteousness in me. I could never stand it when people cut queue infront of me while I am buying burgers during recess. They can cut queue behind me.

I still hold a grudge for my form teacher when I was in primary six. Something bad really happened. I nicknamed her the "Rocket Legs". In my humblest opinion, I think the girth of her legs was as big as my head. She was a fucker-ress. I did something which I thought wasn't that big of a deal. But she seriously made a big fuss out of it and even kicked me out of class and FORCED me to go home. I guess it must be because she was rejected sex the other day by her husband. I was just unlucky to be at the receiving end of her wrath.

Secondary School was something I was looking forward too. I felt that I was turning into an adult. Though I was pretty disappointed that I didnt end up in the same school as my second love. I harbour a fraction of thoughts of her for the next one year.

Perhaps it was during this phase which shaped up a major part of what I am today. I made a group of friends who remain important roles in my life. I fell in love for the 3rd time when I met a girl in my Sec 1 class for perhaps the next 3 years.

I realise my strongest subject was Chinese and was also very fluent in certain adjectives and pronounciation of Hokkien words. Thanks to the many explanatory diagrams drawn on the seats of buses and doors of the toilets, I finally realised what an erection was and lost my virginity to my left hand. Or was it right? I was also one of the fastest at typing messages on pagers and in non-contrast with my appearance, someone even commented my voice was sexy when I left voicemail for them.

Due to my size, I tore up quite a few pants especially the zip area. I know sometimes my eagle wanted to be released from the cage. But I didn't know it was that badly.

When I was 16, I met the fourth true love of my life. The ironic part was I didn't even knew her yet I was that madly in love with her. In recent years, I finally get to know her as a friend which was enough for me. She remains as very special memories of mine. Just memories.

I didn't know how I managed to pass my O-Levels though I spend a good deal of time hanging around Mcdonalds just right before the exams; in the name of revising. In actual fact, I was just contributing to its daily closing account with all the pies, fries and drinks I bought. Right before the exam, I nearly had to get new pants as well.

I obtained a good 17 points, just enough to get into JC, a lousy JC which was just around my vicinity. Well of course I didnt and chose to go poly instead.

Poly life sucks. I think it must have been the worst 3 years of schooling life. Other than two of my unlucky friends whom I drag along with from my secondary school, I think I made less than two friends throughout that 3 years.

Not that I was that unpopular, I just don't bother making new friends at all. That explains why my secondary school friends remain an important part in my life even till now. Without them, I have none.

I was a late bloomer. My first kiss was when I was 18 with my first girlfriend. I must confess I feel kinda guilty towards her. I was with her more of like I wanted a girlfriend rather than I loved her. That explains why we only lasted for like 1 month. Make that 30 days. It sounds better. At least it's double digit.

As much as I detest my poly life, I still manage to get my diploma in 3 years. And unlike other poly graduates, I still remember clearly till now where I place my diploma certificate back at home. Because without it, the table in my room will still be rocking non-stop.

Right after I graduate, I had a second girl of my life. Technically and theoretically speaking, she wasn't my girfriend at all. She was more like a fling. There was strictly no love between us. Just physical contact to appease a certain part of the devil in each of us.

Awaiting for me after my poly life was of course what the majority of the Singaporean guys hate; Army for the next good 2 and a half years.

To be truthful for once, I was among the minority of people who can't wait for enlistment. To my thinking back then, I wanted to achieve great feats in future and if I can't even stand life as a soldier, how can I ever fulfill my dreams?

I felt so mighty, so passionate, enthusiastic and ever-all-ready for army; for the next one year. After one year and enlisted into my new company, I realise being a soldier is good, but is taking too much of my time. I wanted to finish the remaining good 1 year as soon as possible. But it was also thanks to Army that I met a number of good friends who did all the dirty work with me.

During this army phase, I had the 3rd girl in my life. Things got pretty bad, I mean really bad during the initial phase. It's hard to give details on what actually happen because everything happen within a short period of time.

It was hard to go through that phase during that period itself. But thinking back now, I am actually laughing. I guess it's part of the growing up process. I remain very good friends with the 3rd girl.

Right after my army, I was kinda pretty lost on where I should go from then on. Due to my lack of abilities during poly, my results were not enough for me to enter local Universities. For three years (Since I was initially in army) running, I have been stupidly paying money to them to send me rejection letters. Fuck~

So this result to where I am and what I am today. Typing an entry in my blog all the way from Brisbane, Australia, as a student of University of Queensland.....

Riverfest II

This is one particular day of the year where Australians find that they have no place to spend their additional money, so they decided to waste it on huge amounts of fireworks; and they call it "Riverfest".

I guess this festival is the english version of one of our chinese festival, "端午节". The origin of our chinese version was that we throw huge amounts of ba-zhang into the river in an attempt to distract the fishes from eating a particular guy's body.

Aussies are richer, they use fireworks to scare away the fishes.

Ok craps aside, this was the 2nd year running that I've been to this Riverfest. Last year was very disappointing for me. I went to the city too late and didnt manage to grab a good spot to take my pictures.

A True Singaporean At Heart never does the wrong things twice.

I reached my targeted spot (Southbank) round 3 hours before the start of the "Scare the fucking fish away" Festival and guess what. There were already these many people.

The arrow marks the spot where I eventually chose to settle down. The advantage of the spot was its excellent geographical and strategical location and not to forget the chicks that were sitting beside me.

Below is the picture of the Brisbane City taken from a bridge which connected South bank to the city.

Before the start of the mainshow, there was this show by the planes. The thing was when they first came, there were six planes. When they left, only four planes flew off. Know why? Cause apparently two planes hit some birds and they flew back to HQ.

Picture below: Notice the bridge under the planes? That's the connecting bridge I was talking about.

The barge below is parked in the middle of the river. Purpose being it will be firing fireworks in the middle of the sea as well.

Brisbane City approaching sunset, approaching Mission: Scare The Fucking Fishes Away.

Exactly 7pm was the start of the Riverfest and its introduction for the show was also one of its main highlight, two fighter planes flying over the bridge at extreme low altitude. As this is the main highlight, its pictures shan't be shown until the end of this entry =)

Fireworks......

More fireworks.....

More and more fireworks shooting from the top of the buildings...

Fireworks again....

Usual.......

Ok now this is bit more interesting. Fireworks were being let off from the bottom of the bridge. And for your information, on top of the bridge is totally packed with people.

MORE MORE MORE FIREWORKS....

SCARE THE FUCKING FISHES AWAY!!

Actually for people who are using amateur camera like me, I believe you guys know how hard it is to take nice pictures of fireworks right? Cause most of the time the photos will be very blurry due to the poor lighting.

Now I shall reveal the secrets to taking not-that-jialat pictures of fireworks. The trick is simple. I took over 800 pictures for this fireworks alone. No matter how bad you get, there will surely be at least one or two nice pictures.

I am so smarrttttttt =)

There is only one certain regret I have for this year. Once again, I failed to take decent pictures of the fighter planes flying past the bridge. So I have no choice but to get pictures from my friends' friends' friends who are using professional camera. So yeah, you can imagine the standard of the pictures. Please dont use it to compare with my Canon Ixus 850IS~

Picture below: Should be taken from some residential building in the city. Notice the line of fire from the back of the fighter plane? Yeah the view was spectacular but it didn't really look like this. There was indeed fire from the back but not that long. I speculate it was done using slow shutter speed which created this "image" of a long stream fire.

Picture below: Taken from some hills thats overlooking the city.

Picture below: Notice there are boats parked in the middle of the river. These are rich asses who doesnt want to squeeze in with the crowd.