If Qiang Can Cook, So Can You!

When I 1st arrived here, I was not really technically equipped with fucking-the-not-bad-cooking-skills.

But I do therotically have some basic knowledge on what goes into the food thanks to my many years of fooling around and messing with my mother's cooking.

Being a fucking miser True Singaporean At Heart, I hardly eat out here in Australia as cooking myself is wayyyyy much cheaper. I can eat 3 meals at home compared to a single meal outside.

So after this few months, I am a bit confident to say that my culinary skills have improved a bit. I believe that if even a guy like me can know how to cook, so can you!

Now, I shall post a recipe from my family's recipe book called the "Qiang's Finest Cuisine Made By Idiots". This book shall be passed on for generations.

From me to my kid, to my kid's kid, to my kid's kid's kid, to my kid's kid's kid's kid, to my......


Now I shall post my 1st secret recipe, I name it: 强式肉碎杂酱面

Ingredients

- Salt (Aga aga yourself)

- Oyster sauce (Aga age yourself)

- Black Bean Sauce *Important. Star of the meal (Aga aga yourself)

- Onions (Australia has fucking huge onions. So I use 1 normally. But prepare for a farting session after meal)

- Black soy sauce (Aga aga yourself)

- Potatoe starch (Aga aga yourself)

- Noodles (Maggi Mee type is best)

- Sesame Oil

- Mince Meat (Non halal if you dont want to share with your muslim friends. Tsk)

- Chopped green & red capsicums (Aga aga yourself)

- Finely chopped garlic (Good for detoxing your body)

Step 1: Boil the noodles until you dont feel like eating Ma-Mee when chewing on them.

Step 2: Drain off water. After draining, immediately rinse with cold water. Dont ask why, just follow. Add lots of sesame oil into it and stir thoroughly. Throw the pot of noodle to one side for time being.

Step 3: Fry the garlic. Of course to do that you must 1st having a frying pan. Heat the pan and then put in some vegetable oil. Fry the garlic till it's light brown. Dont fry to the extent of dark brown. Dont be an idiot. If you cant differentiate colours, my advice will be never attempt to step into the kitchen.

Step 4: Throw in your mince meat. Stir fry till you feel its edible.

Step 5: Throw in your onions. And just in case you are an idiot, I never mention sliced onion doesnt mean you throw the whole fucking onion in it. Slice it first.

Step 6: Take out everything and put at one side first. (Normally I skip this step cause I am lazy.)

Step 7: Stir fried the capsicums till its slightly chao-ta and then throw in your mince meat, onions and garlic earlier on if you follow Step 6. Anyway for goodness sake, Step 6 doesnt make any difference. You should skip it.

Step 8: Pour in your black bean sauce, oyster sauce and salt. Pour in some water too. Not too much water. Aga aga yourself.

Step 9: Leave to boil. Once boil, put the potatoe starch in a bowl and add some water to it. Stir till everything dissolves. Next, slowly pour the mixture into your gravy. Stir CONSTANTLY! Cause if you dont, you will discover big lumps of shit in it later on. For your information, the starch is to thicken the sauce.

Step 10: Put the noodles you cooked earlier on your plate. Pour gravy on top of noodles and WA LA, your 强式肉碎杂酱面 is done.

Step 11: Check you have close the fire.